my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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