like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
