how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
me + whiskey = a bad person
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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