MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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