If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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