is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
