THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I see more hoeing in ur future
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
