True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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