turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
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I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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