I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
