he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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