just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
