I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
