I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
