Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
