I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
