That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize