drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
