Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
