I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Randomize
