i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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