I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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