he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
don't judge my taste in strippers
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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