Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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