This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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