I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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