remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
