So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
