is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
