who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
