I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
