the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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