Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
