sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
