well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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