Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
