mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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