wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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