Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
