I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
