Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
pop tarts are not kleenex
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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