i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm like, not good at living.
We need to get me chipped asap
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
