Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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