please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
