On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
