i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
