we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
