Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
