that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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