I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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