...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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