i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
