I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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