I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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