My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
