She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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