so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
