Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
