Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
