I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
