whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
