Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
