you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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