I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Do vagina's smell?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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