I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize