Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
