I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
