walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
