Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
