i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
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HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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