I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
