is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
