You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize