Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
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then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
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He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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