Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
she smelled like a LAN party
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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